your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
