Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
