Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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