WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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