anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
