do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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