That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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