I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
