Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
