Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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