i permit you to call me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
