The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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