Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize