I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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