1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
