halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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