Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
