Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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