Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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