I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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