ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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