Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
His nipple licking is glorious
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