I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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