I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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