Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
