and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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