and you said cock pushups were impossible
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
