I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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