accomplished twins. life is a go
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
