Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My vagina is officially offended.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
