Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
