It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
someone owes me an orgasm
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
