We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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