I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
