I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
