Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
