one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
