I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just forgot I was standing up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
