Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
