Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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