i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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