I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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