Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
