You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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