no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
