I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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