our cab driver is having phone sex.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
