The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
