dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
