i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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