I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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