I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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