I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
