you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
worst night to have a conscience
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
