dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize