I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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