Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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