I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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