I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize