Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
