Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
