Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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