You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
