Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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