If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
