Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
