Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
