Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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