Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize