Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
