I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
