You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
