after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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